Culchie Rushed To Hospital With Exploded Stomach After Attempting To Eat His Tea During Supper Time

SURGEONS are fighting to save the life of Donal Maher after he recklessness chose to eat his tea during time clearly allotted for supper.

Each Irish person’s eating patterns and ability to digest food is dictated by a unique DNA strand inherited from their ancestors, which dictates what time they define as tea and supper, with no two counties sharing an agreed time stamp.

In some extreme cases people claim tea and supper to be the exact same meal.

“He’s only himself to blame, the madman,” said one surgeon scooping indiscernible bits of Maher’s guts back into his open stomach.

While stomach explosions have become more rare thanks to the rollout in the 1980s of a tea/supper card, similar the organ donor cards which allowed each person to list their preferred time for meals, the reality is that when an explosion happens it can be fatal.

“‘Stay for tea, sure I’ve a stew on’ might sound like the height of pleasant inclusive hospitality but if you’re used to tea being 5pm and this lunatic is serving it to you at 3.30pm, the stomach can’t cope with such sudden heaviness,” explained one surgeon who says Mr. Maher (39) is lucky to be alive.

The HSE have been criticised for its role in Maher’s case as they stopped running an awareness campaign related to stomach explosions as far back as 2019.

“The ‘don’t suffer for supper, don’t be terrorised by tea’ campaign ended as we thought the public no longer needed reminding. We apologise to Mr. Maher, but honestly, having his ‘tea’ at 9pm? Might as well have walked out in front of a car the fool,” offered a HSE spokesperson.

Doctors have warned that if Irish society can’t agree on the times and meanings of certain meals, stomach explosion incident will become more frequent.

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