“These Streets Belong To Roving Gangs Of Violent Teens” Says Garda Commissioner In Reassuring Message

AMID A SERIES of high profile assaults and incidents of racially motivated intimidation of members of Ireland’s Indian community, Garda Commissioner Drew Harris has reassured the public that the streets belong to roving gangs of violent teens.

“I don’t mean to be in anyway insensitive but I think a terrified community feeling helpless have to adapt to Irish culture, our way of doing things, and realise that here illegal things going unpunished is central to our way of life,” offered the Commissioner in a statement.

Outlining that identified groups of young and violent people can often say really hurtful things to gardaí, a soft policing approach which gives over the streets to these gangs is best for everyone.

“You’ll not be short of support from the majority of people across the country who are disgusted by such things continuing to happen, but on the official ‘people whose job it is to actually do something’ front, law and order, investigating things, that’s not really our thing, y’know,” confirmed a spokesperson.

Meanwhile, Tánaiste Simon Harris has promised a worried Indian community that no child will have to wait for scoliosis surgery.

“Check back in with me in about seven years,” offered the Tánaiste.

Elsewhere, individuals who spend every waking hour insisting Ireland is awash with rampant violent crime that needs to be dealt with by adopting a hardline, zero tolerance approach have confirmed ‘no, these crimes are fine actually’.

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