“Look, Look, Big Room, Very Shiny, Made Of Gold” Says Man Who Wants To Stop Everyone Talking About Epstein

“IT’LL be bigger than a football field and it’s going to cost $200mn minimum, we have pictures of it too, big shiny pictures,” confirmed US president Donald Trump, in his latest, now innumerable attempt at deflecting attention from the minor ‘I was besties with minor-loving Epstein’ scandal.

Trump, relying heavily on the hope that Americans are as enthralled as he is by cheap and gaudy gold things, is relying on the announcement that a new ballroom will be built at the official presidential residence to hoover up media headlines.

“And I’ve arranged the financing of the big shiny golden room in such a way that it’s open to blatant bribery and favour-seeking from rich people and corporations, so maybe talk about that scandalous detail please, and not about my dearly departed friend J-Dog,” confirmed Trump.

It is the desire of Trump and his inner circle that ‘big shiny golden room’ succeeds where previous distractions such as ‘Bibi starving people is not cool but carry on’, ‘I’m going to give the public stimulus checks funded by my genius tariffs’, ‘Putin has 12 days to agree peace’ and ‘Obama killed JFK’ failed.

Due to Trump’s unique talent for freely disclosing more incriminating evidence without being prompted by anyone, whatever press generated by the new White House ballroom will be entirely eviscerated when he blurts out to reporters that he actually has an invoice for ‘girls Jeffrey stole from me but whoever said I bought Melania from him is lying, what? No one is saying that? Shit’.

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