Oral B Issue Recall After Man Splits Face In Two With Dental Floss

A NUMBER of batches of a brand of Oral B dental floss have been recalled over fears of its taut sharpness, after one man carrying out his nightly flossing routine split his head in two.

“I heard this awful screaming so I rushed into the ensuite and then I saw it, the floss had sliced through my Martin’s gum and kept going until it was through the back of his skull, it was he’d garrotted himself” explained Mary Downey, wife to victim Martin Downey.

An ambulance was quick on the scene and fast-acting surgeons were able to sew Downey’s head back together over the course 36 hours.

“Dentists always talk about the dangers of not flossing but no-one talks about the risks of flossing,” said Martin Downey from his hospital bed and sporting over 600 stitches.

“In our never-ending war against plaque, some of our most trusted plaque fighting units may have taken their experimental flossing technological pursuits too far and for that we are sorry,” confirmed a statement from Oral B.

As a sign of their contrition, Oral B have confirmed they will sell Downey tubes of their high end Pro-enamel toothpastes for the price everyone thinks toothpaste should be; €2 rather than the insane prices seen in supermarkets currently.

Conscious of the waste and environmental impact of discarding the sharp dental wiring, Oral B have confirmed they have donated the floss to an international underground network of assassins.

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