Pope Leo’s First Meeting With God Mainly About Heaven Parking Arrangements

AS PART OF his onboarding process in his new job, Pope Leo XIV has held his first meeting with his new boss, God, which focused less on long term strategy and Q3 and Q4 targets than the Pope had expected.

“I cannot stress enough how important it is for you to leave the spaces either side of my Bugatti Veyron free, I don’t think I need to tell you what scratching it would do for your employment status here,” God cautioned the Pope, who also mentioned there would be mandatory training on how to lift a box correctly at the end of the day.

Expecting ambitious discussions of converting non-believers and increasing church collection plate revenues, Leo instead listened intently to God’s fixation on the parking arrangements.

“Park in St Peter’s space for all I care, but if you can read my ‘AFCKNGOD’ custom number plate, you’ve parked too close to my baby. We clear?” added God, who batted back the Pope’s questions about health insurance and performance-related bonuses to be addressed at a later date.

“Next time you’re praying just try asking Pius III what happened to him when he scuffed the wheel on my gold carriage in 1503. There’s a reason he lasted 27 days, capiche?” added God, who also mentioned the angel Gabriel’s propensity to park in the disabled spots however, as a long standing employee God just sorts of lets it slide.

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