Putin Issues Reminder He Cuddly Teddy Bear Who Just Wants Peace

KIDNAPPER of thousands of children, Vladimir Putin, has issued a reminder to the naysayers of his peace-seeking credentials by proving he is a cuddly teddy bear behind all the tough talk after killing 34 people in a missile strike on the Ukrainian city of Sumy.

“You know, I think this is a reasonable guy who will honour all commitments he signs up to unlike that ingrate Zelensky,” confirmed a White House official, surveying the damage of the missile strike and confidently concluding ‘looks like peace to us’.

Ukraine, who agreed to an unconditional ceasefire over a month ago, have been labeled ‘unhelpful’ for existing in the first place, which, the Trump administration argues directly led to the Russian missile strike.

“Zelensky didn’t wear a suit to the White House, and we couldn’t forgive that, very disrespectful, but Putin says this missile strike was an accident, which is okay by me. Accidents happen, just look at my son Eric or the US economy,” confirmed Trump.

Experts in peace confirmed that not signing up an unconditional ceasefire could be a clear sign Putin is the peace-pursuing angel the world needs right now.

“It seems bad manners at this point, not to take this man at his word that he really doesn’t love war and killing people. You know, a nice way to show our appreciation could be to send that Nobel to Moscow,” concluded one rational peace expert.

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