Local Man Who Attended Coachella Set To Be Insufferable For Life

LEADING smugness experts have confirmed that the levels of ‘self-satisfied boasting’ that lie ahead for Irish man Cian Sculley are ‘incalculable’ after he was found to be in attendance at this year’s Coachella, WWN can reveal.

The buzzy music festival attended by the most insufferable people visible on social media feeds can now add Sculley to their number after the 27-year-old uploaded 47 TikToks, a 79-panel Instagram story and enough Snapchats to fill a data centre in Iceland in the last 24 hours.

“Ah fuck that, immediate unfollow,” confirmed a former coworker of Sculley’s who is struggling to piece together how an unemployed barman got over to the 250,000 strong Californian music festival without concluding ‘drug smuggling’.

Experts confirmed that it won’t matter the subject; a mine collapse in the Congo, the death of a celebrity, civil unrest in Thailand or your child’s emergency operation, Sculley will in the years to come work in the fact he was at Coachella, adding embellishments to his stories each time until he boasts of having stumbled on stage during Lady Gaga’s set.

“The lucky bastard, would have loved to go,” confirmed another friend, who like Scully would have been too out of it to remember a single detail but nevertheless end up with an Instagram grid the envy of everyone.

Elsewhere, others have condemned Sculley for not attending the Kneecap gig, calling for his passport to be revoked and his mouth stitched shut so they never have to hear about it.

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