Excitement In Government As Trump Tariffs Can Be Used As Excuse For Cutting Spending, Missing Targets

WHILE there is a significant degree of fear over the economic hit the Irish economy will take and worry about substantial job losses, WWN can reveal that some government TDs are working around the clock to seize the day and look on the bright side.

“This represents a unique chance to clutch the nettle and maybe slash the under 25s dole again? Whose for champagne,” cheered the Irish government cabinet, as they quietly celebrated having yet another excuse for why they’ll fail on purpose to build social housing.

“That whole ‘giving people money during Covid’ never sat right me, I felt I’d joined politics too late, after the golden age of banking crisis austerity but now I’ll get to channel my inner Joan Burton,” squealed a younger member of the government.

Where other politicians would be daunted by having to make tough decisions on what policy pledges to abandon or bury, the Fianna Fáil and Fine Gael coalition have never been so excited to start a working week.

“You’re not thinking big enough. Think about how happy our friends in business will be when we cancel statutory sick leave pay plans, that auto-enrollment pension shite can go as well. Is it too late to tank the jobseekers rates linked to previous pay levels idea?” offered one cabinet member who had been making cut suggestions for 4 hours straight.

“Look we can all sit hear and agree, a cancer unit, Deis school, sensory playground etc will have to go but if anyone tries to touch a hair on the head of buying a load of fighter jets, I’ll glue myself to the Taoiseach’s desk in protest,” said an even-handed Simon Harris.

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