Workplace Accident Covered Up In Record Time

A LOCAL Waterford manufacturing plant has thanked its senior staff and management for banding together under trying circumstances to cover up a workplace accident in a swift manner.

A wet shop floor caused by the rain water blown into the premises through an emergency exit door held open by a brick led employee Mark Riley to lose his footing while carrying heavy items he was instructed to carry by his superior despite being an office employee without the necessary formal safety training.

“The sound of his skull cracking off the floor was still ringing in my ears when I had the presence of mind to bully the new intern into not breathing a word of what they saw to HR,” said one senior manager, whose selfless actions have helped his promotion chances.

The additional presence of one worker operating the sheet metal cutter while wearing noise cancelling AirPods, against health and safety measures, meant Riley’s flailing arm was subject to irreparable detachment, prompting others into action.

“I pulled the plug on the CCTV, and took a hammer to the servers storing footage,” said the IT guy, who didn’t need to be told what a ‘ball ache’ having proof of liability on the premises would be.

Keen to ensure a bleeding out Riley got the medical attention he needed, manager Rory Johnson made sure every employee was coached in the right version of events before ringing an ambulance.

“I’m so proud of how the team came together, when the chips our down we really battle through,” Johnson gushed, as he added and back dated three official discipline warnings on Riley’s last performance review.

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