Woman’s Bank Account May Never Recover From Buying Round Of Cocktails In Upmarket Dublin Bar

“WHAT THE FUCK was I thinking?” cry-screamed 25-year-old professional Jessica O’Loughlinn at her own reflection as she interrogated herself in the bathroom of 37 Dawson, having splunked the GDP of a small island nation on a round of cocktails.

“You have rent to pay you drunken mess, how the fuck are you going to feed yourself? You don’t get paid for another 5 days!” added O’Loughlinn slowly realising that in her drunken excitement she insisted on buying a round for 6 friends and two sort-of friends of friends she bumped into on the night, giving no thought to the fact there wasn’t enough time left in the night to earn back drinks.

Not considering for a single second admitting she had made a terrible mistake and had the financial management skills of brain damaged orangutan, O’Loughlinn refused to entertain the idea of asking her friends to pay for their drinks.

“No, it’s fine, honestly it’s fine, my treat. No stop, it’s grand, oh no yeah I’ve loads, got a bonus or something in work last week. Put your purse away. Put. Your. Purse. Away. PUT IT FUCKING AWAY, ALRIGHT!!” O’Loughlinn told friends, wearing a serene expression on her face despite having a financial meltdown that made the 2008 banking crash look like a walk in the park.

It believed O’Loughlinn is one of over 40,000 Irish people who suffer round-regret every week, and financially ruin themselves footing the bill for everyone in a fit of giddy merriment. Despite this, Irish banks have said their are no plans to place employees at bars to stage interventions.

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