Working Class Criminal Wish He Made Front Page News Every Time He Was Beaten Up In Prison

WHILE EXTENDING his best wishes to a fellow inmate at Portlaoise prison, Nathan McDonnell, who was reportedly assaulted, local criminal from a working class background, Jayson Daly, couldn’t help feel a bit jealous.

“It’s a mad weird one, I was reading the news on the phone my cellmate smuggled in up his arse and they’re all saying ‘businessman’ this ‘n that assaulted. Should it not be drug smuggler for the Sinaloa Cartel?” queried Daly, who admitted he’d never been on a journalism course.

While Daly admits he’s over sensitive to the nomenclature chosen for specific crimes and criminals in the media, seemingly based on social standing, he did make a direct plea the publications.

“I had no idea catching a beating in prison was front page news, me and a few of the lads can’t wait to have our ordeals documented rather than swept under the rug but bring extra pens if you’re taking notes because the latest figures available recorded 663 prisoner on prisoner assaults in 2023, that’s up 74% on the previous year,” added a relieved Daly.

“But just on the off chance my hunch is right and prison assaults only matter if papers can sensationalise a story because it’s a person who wasn’t born with crime on the brain, I was technically a businessman too,” explained Daly, whose body shop business was also on the same site he worked on stolen-to-order cars he would then sell on the black market.

UPDATE: Daly also said the media might want to get in touch with the Chief Inspector of Prisons who says the Irish State is currently failing to meet its obligations under Article 3 of the European Convention on Human Rights & Fundamental Freedoms.