On This Day 1981: Ireland’s First Swingers Discuss Having No One To Ride

IRELAND’S first ever controversial ‘swingers’ have asked for at least one other couple to develop a perverse and sickening interest in extra-marital mickey swapping, Waterford Whispers News reports with much regret.

“I’m not sure we technically qualify as swingers as we haven’t found anyone to swing with,” a rueful Cathy Dolan told this publication, discussing the desire she and her husband Brian have to broaden their hobbies to foreign-to-their-wedding-vows fornication.

“I think if someone was brave enough to consider becoming Ireland’s second swinging couple, we’d have a jolly time, it’s quite lonely at the minute, one set of keys in the bowl,” explained Brian Dolan, a sullen figure striped down to his birthday suit with no one other than his wife to blow out his candle.

“Brian tries to hide his disappointment when he pulls his own keys out of the bowl at our parties, but I see it in his eyes,” a sad Cathy added.

Aside from putting an advert down an alley way in the form of a ‘for a good time call’ scrawl on a wall in graffiti, the couple are at a loss as how to find a like-minded couple.

“We got close once with a couple from Limerick but I think they misunderstood the keys in a bowl thing and drove off with Brian’s VW,” Cathy explained.

“We’re penpals with a couple in Germany, they do more swinging than monkeys on a vine over there, you can’t fathom the embarrassment each new postcard we send brings; a swinger who hasn’t swung,” sobbed Brian.