Inspiring Debate Sees Thousands Of Undecided Voters Filled With Hope For The Future

UNDECIDED VOTERS fearing last night’s RTÉ leaders debate would be little more than empty soundbites, parroting of the carefully rehearsed ‘zingers’ and a complete lack of substantive debate were left with egg on their faces, WWN can confirm.

“I’m as cynical as they come but that was more inspiring that a video compilation of elderly dogs learning to walk again after being run over,” said one undecided voter who wrongly thought the main parties’ financial pledges in their manifestos wouldn’t stand up to even the gentlest of interrogation.

“Before tonight I was depressed at the thought of the three largest parties lacking truly innovative approaches to our biggest issues but Simon Harris’s pledge to kidnap Irish people in Australia and force them back home on a plane won me over,” declared another voter.

“The bit where all of their climate policies were called dogshit gave me the hope that we’ll burn up in flames long before any of the parties can do real damage,” confirmed a sunny-side-up undecided voter who was undecided no more after countless examples of leaders refusing to answer the most straight forward of questions.

“I don’t want policies that stand up to scrutiny, I’m voting based on who gave the best snarky side-eye, so this debate was integral for me” offered another voter.

The three main political parties thanked RTÉ for chairing a debate but more important than that, for providing their social media teams with brief cherry-picked clips they can share online to make it look like they won the debate.

Meanwhile, one voter who remained unconvinced by last night’s display confirmed their intention to vote for their local independent whose poster has the slogan ‘WEF Communists Won’t Make Me Transgender With Chemtrails. No Meat Crazy. Deport Criminals Twice’.

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