Met Éireann Christen Latest Storm In River Shannon

“I NAME thee Storm Bert,” exclaimed local priest Fr. Tommy Maher on the banks of the river Shannan as he christened the latest storm for attending Met Éireann staff who applauded the official naming ceremony yesterday afternoon.

The second storm of the season is now expected to hit the country over the weekend promising to bring with it bitterly cold wind and rain to much of the country.

“I’m just looking forward to messing shit up for everyone and generally making them as miserable as humanly possible,” gusted the proud storm system, who would have previously been just plain old ‘storm’ a few years ago.

Since it began naming storms, Met Éireann admitted that giving the weather pattern a handle gives it more strength, however the weather service refused to apologise for the destruction caused.

“We name storms because it’s the Christian thing to do,” a spokesperson for Met Éireann said, “sure the storms are getting worse and more frequent because of it, but it’s great for the news and media to be able to put a name on it and give the storms a bit of notoriety, kinda like what The Sunday World does with crime figures – it glorifies them”.

Also looking forward to its turn, storm Cuntface said it also can’t wait to hit Ireland soon, “Myself and Dickhead will see you guys soon”.

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