Ballaghaderreen Given Three Copies Of ‘The Guard’ On DVD In Bid To Help Tackle Crime Increase

FOLLOWING a protest by locals in a Roscommon town in the wake of a violent assault and a general rise in crime, the people of Ballaghaderreen have had their voices heard by local politicians, the government and the guards.

Citing a lack of Garda resources, locals received the news they had been waiting for with Garda Commissioner Drew Harris confirming a roll out of three additional DVD copies of the 2011 movie ‘The Guard’.

“The movie serves multiple purposes; it’ll cheer people up, it’s Garda based and once the chuckling starts they’ll forget there’s just one guard covering an area larger than the Sahara at any given time,” confirmed a Department of Justice spokesperson.

With garda response times in a number of rural areas hovering around the ‘only ring us if you’re dead’ mark, many communities are reporting the negative impacts of low police resourcing.

“I think what’s important now is to just leave these people alone, it’s not our place as politicians in charge of running the country to do anything, that’s what roaming bands of camera-waving racists looking to stir trouble from out of town are for” offered a spokesperson for the coalition government.

“And yes, the DVD is in Czech, and what people asked for was actual resources, but let it never be said this government is deaf to the issues raised by people,” added the spokesperson, who went on to announce a new tax break for developers out of muscle memory.