“Waiting For Evidence Of War Crimes”: Coalition’s Excuses For Not Enacting The ‘Occupied Territories Bill’

FIRST PROPOSED in 2018 and subsequently passed by both houses of the Oireachtas, the Occupied Territories Bill remains blocked by the government since 2019.

Fearing that the coalition government will use an impending election as an excuse to further delay its passage, opposition parties led by Sinn Féin, have offered up their speaking time in the Dáil to ensure there is time to pass the bill.

In response the coalition has explained why it just can’t find the time:

“Gladiator II is coming out soon”.

The coalition said it would consider the bill when some huge cataclysmic event like a genocide or something like that was occurring before their very eyes but it seems a bit pointless to pass the bill now.

The coalition is seeking legal advice from the Attorney General on what a ‘bill’ is, how it relates to the Dáil and what ‘a Dáil’ is also.

A haggard old demon witch the coalition visited on Halloween night warned it’s unlucky to pass such a bill on a day that ends in a ‘Y’.

The coalition doesn’t see how passing the bill will help further increase Irish house prices?

“Let’s not jump the gun here, maybe Israel won’t use their guns and other weapon to kill EVERY Gazan” – coalition spokesperson.

It’s important to be on the right side of history, but whose knows when that is. Maybe it’s 3 or 4 years from now, what’s the rush?

Simon Harris’ TikTok following has to hit 1 million followers first. Priorities matter.

Paschal Donohoe is waiting on permission from the Israeli minister for finance first.

Don’t want Alan Shatter constantly tweeting at them giving out.

“We have absolutely no desire to pass it, but by having it sit there gathering dust we can at least pretend we’re serious about sanctioning Israel in some way” – coalition spokesperson.

We’ve been hacked by North Korea, made it into Trump’s campaign emails, threatened with legal action by Ireland’s richest man, angered Scientology and received 6,000 complaints from the God squad after a sketch of ours aired on RTÉ. Help us to keep pissing off all the right people – buy some of our MERCH HERE to help us continue to taking the piss in these trying times.