Man Who Signed Over Maternity Hospital To Nuns Pledges To Introduce Law Making Religious Order Pay Redress To Abuse Victims

THE IRISH public has rightly taken Taoiseach Simon Harris’ recent comments about forcing religious orders, through new legislation that is currently a figment of his imagination, to contribute their fair share to redress schemes of abuse victims at face value.

“Sure he promised 7 years ago that scoliosis waiting lists would be a thing of the past but only a cynic would say he loves cynically broadcasting soundbites like this which he never follows through on,” said one eager supporter.

“Any one not taking the Taoiseach at his word just because he was the Minister for Health who oversaw the Sisters of Charity maintaining an interest in the new National Maternity Hospital after saying no such thing would happen is just jealous of his political abilities,” shared a moustachioed man who bore a striking resemblance to Simon Harris.

Citing his major achievements to date which solely include appeasing far-right racists with a more hardline approach to asylum seekers, the Taoiseach’s defenders said that when he promises something he delivers.

“The thing he delivers might be a completely different item from the one he said he’d deliver, it might also have a hole it and it may have been fecked into your neighbour’s bin but he delivers nonetheless,” shared one of Harris’ spin doctors.

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