If It Looks, Swims & Quacks Like A Duck It’s A Fucking Duck: Report

A GROUNDBREAKING new study has concluded that if something looks like a duck, swims like a duck and quacks like a duck it’s more than likely a fucking duck, WWN reports.

Basing its findings on various instances when something was correctly identified by its habitual characteristics, the study found that yeah, if it bares all the hallmarks of those traits, then it is probably is what it appears to be despite flimsy fact-free counter arguments that say otherwise.

“Take Andrew Tate as an example; if he says horrible things about women, openly did horrible things to women and there is women’s testimony proving he did horrible things to women, then you can conclude that he is indeed a horrible dirty bastard when it comes to the treatment of women – it’s that’s simple,” explained lead researcher of the study, Professor Terry Pierce.

The report also found that no matter how much you try and disguise a duck as something completely different, the fact will always remain that it is a duck and not what its’ disguisers pretend it to be.

“Like Russell Brand attempting to publicly portrait himself as reformed Christian after being uncloaked as a serial abuser by dozens of victims, he’s still Russell Brand at the end of the day no matter what God he’s chosen to forgive himself which conveniently falls in line with the belief system of his new conspiracy theorist followers,” added Prof. Pierce, who then apologised to the duck community for using them in his analogies.

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