Taoiseach Flies Drone Into Russian Tank During Ukraine Visit

“SLAVA Ukraine!” Taoiseach Simon Harris shouted as he guided a domestic drone converted to carry a mortar round directly into a Russian tank maiming its occupants during his visit to Ukraine today.

“They cry like babies,” reassured Zelensky as he patted the excited Taoiseach on the back, years of brutal war hardening his empathy for human life.

Awkwardly high-fiving Ukrainian President Vladimir Zelensky and missing his hand slightly, Harris’ goofy demeanour was overshadowed by the distant screams of the injured soldiers as they dragged themselves from their vehicle, one desperately yanking off his own leg caught in debris in a bid to escape the searing heat burning his lifeless colleagues.

“You can smell their flesh burning from here, it smells exactly like pork – that’s mad!” a wide-eyed Harris exclaimed, now hungry to have another go at finishing them off.

“Wow, and to think, Ireland is just another 50 Irish Times opinion columns about ‘our neutrality needs to end’ away from me getting to do this every day,” he added.

“We like to let them bleed. Quick death too good.” his counterpart chimed in, gently taking the former drone’s controller from Harris who was licking his lips, thirsty for more.

This morning, the Irish leader arrived via overnight train from Poland with his delegation where he will also meet international organisations and workers helping to rebuild Ukraine.

“No problem with planning objections here I’d say?” Harris asked Zelensky, “If only building homes back home was this easy, huh?”

“Maybe someday soon you have own Russian invasion on US Shannon base,” Zelensky jested, “don’t worry, US build everything back and own everything just like here,” he concluded.