What Would ‘In Demand Pricing’ Look Like For Everything? We Investigate
THE CEASELESS pursuit for maximum profit knows no bounds, and from the looks of it so called ‘in demand pricing’ is here to stay.
WWN’s investigative unit used cutting edge journalistic technology to posit multiple everyday scenarios where gargantuan price gouging isn’t just something Oasis fans are subjected to, but a thing that affects everyone and every facet of their lives.
Read on at your peril:
“Yes, this house was built in 1982 at a cost of €16,500 when adjusted for inflation, and has next to no work done to it and is in need of significant repair works but demand dictates I sell it to you for €475,000” – as said by an estate agent, operating in this nightmarish scenario we’ve dreamt up in which dynamic pricing is an everyday presence.
“I heard your stomach grumble and we operate dynamic pricing at this establishment so that sandwich you want to buy is now €800” – as uttered to a homeless man at the recently opened Foodmaster cafe chain.
“I don’t care if you’ve just finished a marathon, the water is €173. Now you can bitch and moan but I can see another dozen runners coming in behind you any minute now so the price will only get higher. Buy now to avoid disappointment and dehydration that puts you in the hospital” – little shit stain operating a water stand at the finish line of the Dublin marathon.
“We here at Health Corp appreciate the delicate nature of the problem, but we can’t ignore the fact you are one of seven victims currently bleeding out to certain death, so if you want to obtain our premium Life Saver package which includes two litres of O negative, I’m afraid we can’t move from the price of €100,000” – the paramedic responding to the scene of a mass shooting.
“I know it’s Valentine’s Day. Which is exactly why I’m introducing an in-demand tariff and booking fee. It doesn’t matter how many years we’ve been together, this is peak sex season, peak demand. And yes, the price will be the same for your birthday so don’t act all shocked next month” – your partner.
“I am a teacher, with many years experience, and I note with interest the current teacher shortage therefore I wish my pay to reflect the scarcity of my skills, my updated in-demand salary demands are written down there” – a teacher, moments before being laughed out of the room and placed in a mental health facility for experiencing delusions in which she believed this model could benefit their profession.