Didn’t Get An Oasis Ticket? Here’s Five Expletive Laden Sentences That Will Come In Handy
JUST YOUR luck, despite logging on and following, to-the-letter, the instructions on the Ticketmaster website you have come away empty handed, and grow ever more angry as you scroll your social media feeds full of people delighting in the fact they will be at Croke Park next year.
In a bid to help you through this pain, WWN has made available five expletive-laden sentences which when screamed in the general direction of Ticketmaster can form a sort of therapy.
Try any one of these on for size:
“I deserved priority in the ticket queue you gangrenous boil on the bollocks of civil-fucking-society! I’m a middle-aged man with a shit Liam Gallagher haircut for fuck sake! You cum-swilling cretin, you shit stain on the underwear of humanity! I logged in at 8am you knob-gobbling twat-badgers, this isn’t fair!” – go on, go let it out.
“You Champagne Supercunts! How fucking hard is it, I was fucking logged-the-fuck-in on your steaming pile of toss pottery that is the Ticketmaster website. I hope you ticket-twats contract a parasite that eats your genitals from the inside out. You function worse than an arthritic prostitute giving out free handjobs!” – with a few word changes this can also be used any time Ryanair screws you over.
“You lot are nothing but a cacophonous company of cunts, festooned full of fuckwits, garlanded with geebags, decorated with dicks, you’ve earned the gold medal for gobshitery in the Olympic Games of bastards! Booking fee? I’ll book my foot up your arse! Chance would be a fine thing, what I wouldn’t give to have my wallet molested by your Chernobyl meltdown of a website, but that would have been too fucking easy, wouldn’t it? I hope you all rot in the fifth circle of hell you price-gouging gowls!” – it’s important to leave Ticketmaster in no doubt as to your true feelings.
“You mega-pricks, you quantum-cunts! A curse on your dick-downing descendants, may you always wipe your arse with razor blades, may your avocados always be rock hard and your customer service queries all be experiencing a high volume of calls. You rancid, maggot-infested shit-for-brains, you one-a-kind hollowed out fuck trumpet!” – take a pause for breath wherever you need. There’s no rules to this, you can repeat it as many times as you like at ever-increasing volume.
“Thank fuck for that” – this one is for those who enjoyed a lie-in as they never had any interest in seeing Oasis in the first place.