New Green Party Leader: The Contenders

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THE GREEN Party leadership race is hotting up just a day after Eamon Ryan announced he is to step down from the position after 13 years at the helm.

With obvious front runner Catherine Martin declining to enter the race, the path has opened up to outsider candidates who otherwise wouldn’t have had a chance.

WWN brings you the inside track on those in the mix for the job:

Captain Planet

His green credentials aren’t in doubt, but having peaked in popularity in the mid-90s he lacks an obvious resonance with young voters. Also, some question the force he used in his fights against Dr. Blight, Verminous Skumm, Duke Nukem, Hoggish Greedly, Looten Plunder and Sly Sludge.

Wolves

Embraced by Eamon Ryan, and brought in from the political wilderness in Ireland, wolves could feel this is their best chance at a leadership position.

Pippa Hackett

While the junior minister has a low profile and lacks recognition nationally, insiders suggest she’s one Fr Jack Hackett based meme away from being automatically elected Taoiseach.

Roderic O’Gorman

Eamon Ryan cited the vile invective politicians are being subjected to in his resignation speech but thankfully a gay government minister with a ministerial brief which deals with immigration has nothing to fear on that front.

Micheal O’Leary

Is the Ryanair CEO the man to finally put manners on the Green Party’s wacko agenda which includes things like building cycle lanes and not giving a private businessman running a CO2 generating airline everything he demands?

O’Leary could attract new supporters for the Greens in the form of ‘pro-obliteration’ voters in the great Kill The Planet v Maybe Don’t debate.

A horse owning, bought-a-taxi-plate-to-drive-in-bus-lanes, airline head-honcho; how could anyone question if he has best interests of the environment and the creatures who reside in it at the forefront of his mind.

David Attenborough

Would the voting public back the necessary measures proposed to avert climate disaster? No, but they’d enjoy listening to David’s dulcet tones tell them about how much we’ve fucked up the environment.

Grandmother Willow from Pocahontas

An ancient and wise figure, she could breakthrough and win back the key ‘old hippie’ demographic the Green Party has latterly lost to 5G mast and vaccine conspiracy pages on Facebook.

Greta Thunberg

A divisive figure, the Swede would still receive less online abuse than Eamon Ryan.

Leo Varadkar

Recently out of a job and has previous experience in pissing a lot of people off.

Anyone willing to compromise on their morals

Not such a wildcard choice, any politician willing to lift an eviction ban, exclude Mother & Baby Home survivors from compensation, expand and encourage data centres could waltz right into the big seat if they want it enough.

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