Government Urges Homeless To Adopt A Refugee & Show Them The Ropes


UKRAINIAN refugees arriving in Ireland have been left with no accommodation after the government was completely taken by surprise by the fact the high volume of refugees they had forecast would arrive, continue to do so. However, a plan is in place.

“Obviously we planned to have a plan to plan out how we’d plan to provide accommodation but in the meantime we ask the 10,000 people already homeless to show these guys the ropes,” confirmed one spokesperson for the government’s refugee response unit Céad Míle Your Fault Actually.

“And we’d ask refugees if there aren’t any homeless mothers free to show the ropes just throw a stone and you’ll hit a homeless student” added the spokesperson, “and before you homeless give out, sure isn’t another person in a sleeping bag with you good for extra warmth in the winter?”

“These latest batch of lads coming into to Dublin airport, the lack of manners. Honestly, is it too much to ask that we be given flowers or a fruit basket? And the cheek of that ambassador!” confirmed the government, who again admit to being flabbergasted by the news that just 25% of the 200,000 refugees they said they would accommodate have turned up thus far.

Participating homeless people will guide refugees to their nearest soup kitchen and homeless shelter before providing a list of all landlords unwilling to take HAP and other payments.

“Get used to no one making eye contact, benches designed so you can’t sleep on them, politicians who call you ‘druggies’ and being used as a political prop by racists,” one homeless person told their new understudy.

Meanwhile, a couple who offered up two spare bedrooms in their house to Ukrainian refugees in March are still waiting for a call back from authorities.