“Who Elected This Fucking Chancer?” Fairy Calls For Danny Healy-Rae Resignation

FAIRIES in county Kerry have come out of the forest to protest today after local Independent TD Danny Healy-Rae claimed the minority group have been tampering with the main road between Killarney and Cork.

Mr Healy-Rae, a fully grown adult who is paid €145k by the Irish state annually, insisted a dip in a Kerry road which had been repaired before mysteriously reappearing is due to the presence of fairy forts, forcing the group to respond this morning.

“Seriously, who elected this fucking chancer?” asked a fairy spokeswoman, referring to the €8.7 million Danny Healy-Rae’s company received for county council road contracts over the past two decades, “how is it even possible that a person whose family is so connected to local politics is granted any kind of county council contract like that. Surely you humans have some kind of laws against this kind of thing? Didn’t he also make 1.6 million from Irish Water too?

“If this was fairy politics, then he would have been done for insider paving a long time ago,” the fairy added.

In total, the Healy Rae family takes home a total of €485k from the Irish taxpayer every year, with 8 family members now currently working for the politician brothers and claiming state allowances.

“As a fairy, I’ve seen some crafty assed shit in my time, but these boy’s take the biscuit,” said another fairy we spoke to, who was holding up a ‘Healy-Rae Out’ sign, “only a Healy-Rae could receive millions for badly done jobs in one hand, and then turn around and point the blame at mythical creatures for ruining those jobs with the other”.