“What If We Just Change The Name?” Harris Praised For HSE Revamp Proposal


SIMON HARRIS’ political star continues to rise as the Minister for Health unveiled radical plans for the HSE, which could see healthcare blame shifting revolutionised in the coming years.

With the HSE averaging 34 scandals per hour, a hospital waiting list just shy of an imaginary number you make up when trying to illustrate just how rich Bill Gates is, and gazillions of stories regarding out of date and defunct equipment and practices the Minister believes he has found a solution.

“What if we remain the HSE something else, like Executive Health Service,” Harris offered in a meeting with Department of Health officials, prompting many senior figures to begin sweating profusely.

“Oh don’t worry, there won’t be an additional pressure to administer high standards of care to patients. There won’t be extra funding or staff, and no one will be fired for doing an unspeakably poor job, it’ll just have a new name, that’s it,” Harris added, his reassurances greeted with warm applause and considerable relief.

Experts within the field of politics have been quick to praise Harris for his quick thinking and his revolutionary plans for the HSE.

“It usually takes health ministers much longer than this to talk about scrapping the HSE and farming it all out to the private sector, he’s been swift and decisive in his empty talk of reform that will ultimately lead nowhere,” one insider shared with WWN.

The cost of revamping the name has been praised as it would cost a considerable amount less than required to actually fix the HSE. Provisional estimates put renaming the HSE at €79 million, with a leading US based brand realignment strategy agency expected to win the contract.