Fucking Hero Checks In To Standing Rock

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LOCAL fucking hero Martin Dooley has thwarted the efforts of US police today by checking in to the Standing Rock Sioux Native American reservation, forcing them to restart a lengthy count on the number of people at the site.

The champion of the people outwitted North Dakota police investigators by pretending he was at the location, when he actually wasn’t, and is just one of the many geniuses who did the same from the comfort of their home.

“I was told this would stop police from doing something or other,” the full grown male explained, who even watched a 30 second video of the protest on the Guardian, “I’m not really sure of the in’s and out’s of what I’m supposed to be doing, but it looks great online for me and the rest of the protesters,” adding, “We’re like hackers or something”.

More than 1.5 million people have so far “checked in” on Facebook to support protesters fighting against the new oil pipeline in Standing Rock. The protesters believe the local police department were using Facebook’s location feature to compile a list of activists who are protesting about the pipeline, and requested people to check in to ‘confuse’ investigators.

“They really got us there,” admitted one police officer at the scene, who was busy macing faces, “We were on number 1,234,786 when some guy from Ireland checked in, forcing us to start again. Now we have no idea who’s protesting. We’ve been outsmarted, and outwitted. All we can do now is fire some rubber bullets and hope for the best. God, you people are so clever”.

Meanwhile, a county Mayo man’s check-in to the Corrib gas pipeline has so far accumulated 28 fellow protesters.

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