Gardaí Launch Probe Into Synchronous Orbit With Saturn


A SPOKESPERSON for An Garda Síochána has confirmed that a probe is being launched into space with the intention of achieving a geo-synchronous orbit with the planet Saturn, relaying images and data back to a control team based in Mullingar over the next 5 years.

It is believed that the probe may be the most successful one the Gardai have launched in decades, and will allow them to learn more about the activities on the surface of the ringed planet than they currently know about the movements and activities of both celestial bodies and local criminal gangs.

“We’ve launched probes into drug trafficking, organised crime, corruption, penalty points, you name it” said Jim Goulding, head of probing at Templemore.

“None of them have ever gotten very far. But we reckon the probe we launched today will successfully slingshot around the sun and reach Saturn within three years, achieve a perfect orbit with the planet and send us back some really cool shots of the terrain”.

Goulding refused to be drawn into other failed probes into crimes such as child abduction, daylight murder, systematic paedophile rings operating at the highest levels of the church, and who in the station ate the half-bar of Whole Nut that was left in the fridge for less than an hour.