Dáil Pretend To Debate Abortion Issue Today

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DESPITE hearing several moving accounts of TDs own experiences of dealing with the prospect of fatal foetal abnormalities, it is believed the majority of the Dáil will retain its default position of pretending to debate an abortion bill before the Oireachtas.

Old, white and mostly male TDs have been busy all week practicing their ‘yes, we understand and have all the proper feelings’ faces in anticipation that moving accounts of the effects of Ireland’s inadequate abortion laws might actually force them to grow a backbone.

A bill, proposed by Mick Wallace has been rejected out of hand by the Fine Gael led government who have resisted calls from Independents serving in cabinet to allow a free vote on the Bill, at least not until that can be sure the bill will be defeated.

“Do you know how hard we worked to keep discussions on abortions out of the chamber, and you expect us to just let Mick Wallace waltz in here with a solution,” an unnamed government minister shared with WWN.

The minister then pointed out that it was of great comfort to the Fine Gael side of the cabinet that the much maligned Wexford TD is easily dismissed owing to the very serious fact that he wears pink t-shirts.

“Imagine a female TD proposed this bill, we’d have to work even harder to appear like we give a shit about doing our jobs. The Dáil is about cushy pensions, not making laws and all that nonsense,” the minister added.

The minister went on to conclude that if the Government got the level debate right, it hopefully won’t make a ripple in the news later this evening.

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