Doctors Diagnose Man’s Back As Needing “One Good Fucking Crack”

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PHYSICIANS examining a Dublin man complaining of spinal issues have declared that all his posture and tension problems could possibly be solved if he could just give his back one perfect crack.

Liam O’Ryan, 56, has had non-specific back problems for the past year or so, and has opted to do nothing but complain about them while stretching himself at his desk every five minutes.

The back pain, a product of a slouching posture, lack of exercise and a steadfast refusal to bend at the knees when picking anything up, has manifested itself in O’Ryan’s back, up near where his neck meets his shoulders.

O’Ryan has undergone a month-long bout of self-diagnosed exertions while sitting at his desk at work, keeping his co-workers up to date as to whether or not his most recent stretch “almost had it”.

Finally accepting that he required medical assistance, O’Ryan attended his local clinic where his GP agreed that everything could be sorted out if his back could be coaxed into making one sweet crack in just the right spot.

“There’s nothing wrong with a back that a good crunching bone-on-bone sound can’t solve,” said Dr. Harold Walkin, who has cracked the odd spine or two in his time.

“What Mr. O’Ryan needs to just position his arms in the right place, one stretched out to the right, one reaching up and a bit to the left… then arch your lower back out like a cat, while curling your head and neck down towards your chest. Then just wait for that sweet pain-relieving crack to relieve all your spinal woes instantly”.

Dr. Walkin went on to add that O’Ryan might also benefit from one good flying knee to the back, if he could find anyone to give him one.

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