Video Expert Offers Intensive 6-Week Course In Turning Your Fucking Phone Sideways

A PROMINENT Irish videography expert has agreed to hold a once-off, 6-week course aimed at teaching people with mobile phones to turn the God damn thing sideways when shooting a video clip.

Michael Sheehan, one of the country’s leading cameramen, will take the time out of his busy schedule to tutor a small class in the art of movie making, including intense modules and workshops on tilting your hand 90 degrees and not shaking like you’re having a seizure.

The class, aimed at making social media video sharing sites such as YouTube, Vine and Daily Motion less frustrating places, is open to anyone, although Sheehan warns that very few people who own smartphones will be able to cope with the intricate techniques he will teach them.

“90% of the cat videos on the internet are pure dogshit,” said Sheehan, who holds a degree in landscape camerawork from Dun Laoghaire Institute of Art, Design and Technology.

“And the vast majority of chip-shop fights are nearly unwatchable, due to the fact that there are huge black bars on either side of the screen, blocking out half of the mise en scene“.

“My course will teach those who wish to master the art of filming their friends doing shots in a nightclub how to properly utilise the whole screen; to use all the available space to paint a tapestry of wonder and beauty, while cutting down on the amount of time the rest of us spend on YouTube with our heads tilted sideways trying to see what the fuck is going on”.

If the course is a success, many believe it will revolutionise how society watches videos of modified cars doing donuts, and rock concerts filmed from the back of a sold out auditorium.