Dublin Girl To Spend 30 Minutes Composing Bitchy Text To Best Friend


DUBLIN girl Emer Reilly has decided to set aside 30 minutes later this morning in order to compose a bitchy text to her best friend Ciara.

Emer’s hectic work schedule has not allowed for an instant response to a vague Facebook status made by Ciara this morning in which she is believed to have singled out Emer and her recent behaviour over the last 17 years of their friendship.

“What was with Ciara’s bitchy status this morning, that cow can’t keep her fucking mouth shut,” Emer explained on a specially set up ‘So… Ciara’s A Bitch’ Whatsapp group to several friends.

“I’m really tempted just to text ‘bitch’ to her, but I’m afraid she’ll take it a kind of ‘hey bitch’ positive sense,” Emer added as she took a break from handing out free Danone Actimels at the top of Grafton street while wearing hot pants.

The offending controversial status read “devastated, the one person I trusted the most has betrayed me”, a clear reference to Ciara’s troubled home life which Emer zones out listening to whenever it is brought up.

30 minutes is presumed by Emer to be enough time to really focus on perfecting a violently passive aggressive tone in a text which cuts right to the heart of all the unspoken tensions bubbling beneath the surface of their friendship.

It is thought the media event coordinator and strategist will settle on a text which points out how hurt Emer is by her so called friend’s vicious verbal attack. A final draft of the text will not be decided upon until Emer has received feedback from several friends after she sends a copy of the text, asking ‘will this make Ciara cry?’

Emer smiled to herself as she realised it would be perfect if she sent the text message to Ciara at the same time as she updated her Instagram with a picture of the all girls minus Ciara out for cocktails alongside the hashtag ‘my besties’.