A CONGLOMERATE of nations has announced today that they will officially sit down with American military chiefs, intelligence agencies, corporate CEOs and president Donald Trump this week and explain to them that they don’t actually own or run the world.
Over 192 leaders from almost every country in the world will fly to the North American continent on Wednesday in a bid to explain the status quo, and request America to keep its nose out of everyone else’s business.
“It has been a long time coming, and to be honest, it should have been done a long time ago,” British PM Theresa May told press outside number 10 this morning, standing beside Chinese president Xi Jinping, “think of this as a sort of intervention or sorts. It will be in good taste and all we want to do is bring the US back down to planet earth, as it seems to be running away with itself the last couple of decades or so”.
World leaders are expected to travel to Washington DC and meet with America’s leading men and women for a four day seminar which will outline exactly why America doesn’t own or run the world.
“For some reason they seem to think they’re in charge of world security and naively think everyone is fine with that ideal,” German Chancellor Andrea Merkel told the Sunday Times newspaper in an interview today, “I just hope they accept the news like big boys, as they seem to be fully convinced they are in power, despite their imploding Trump administration and ongoing divide between its richest and poorest civilians, which seems to be tearing their country apart from the bottom up”.
The four day seminar will be curated by former children’s performer Pee Wee Herman, who will explain in “the simplest terms” what exactly is happening right now and gently break it to the US that no one really likes them anymore and that they’re not the centre of the known universe.
“We just need someone on their level to explain the situation to them in their own unique language,” French President Emmanuel Macron said, “four days may not be enough to get it into their thick ignorant heads.
“All we can do now is pray that they don’t walk off in a sulk and bomb some country that’s not theirs, like Venezuela or North Korea.”
For several decades, America, a nation of immigrants, has been under the impression it can invade foreign countries without reprieve while using the guise of politics and a fictional war on terror to steal natural resources for its own benefit.