FOR THE first time since records began, extremely vocal atheists are at present considered to be every bit as annoying as the staunchly religious, according to the latest figures from the Central Statistics Office.
The findings come following the annual study to ascertain the most irritating people in society, with the public putting those who spend all day oaring atheism into every single conversation on a level basis with those that bring God up all the time.
Factors such as excessive smugness and an inability to shut up about religion contributed to the backlash against atheists, who jumped 18 places from last year’s poll.
“The abrupt rise in people who can’t stand atheists can be assigned to many matters, ” said Alan Malcolm, spokesperson for the CSO.
“In many cases, people dislike the way that atheists think they’re so fucking smart all the time, which when coupled with their constant need to swing every conversation to religion just so they can swoop in with a witty remark about how religious people are idiots can really get on peoples nerves”.
Malcolm was quick to point out that although atheists have gotten peoples goat more this year than before, this does not suggest a rise in the popularity of hardcore religious zealots.
“No, these guys are as unpopular as ever, ” said Malcolm, pointing towards a spreadsheet of despised public figures from both sides.
“You’ve got people like the Westboro Baptist Church who just give all religions a bad name, and that filters down to anyone that expresses any sort of faith or religious belief. But on the other side, you’ve got all these obnoxious internet atheists who spend their time mocking those who believe in a higher power, so that’s where the statistics leveled out”.
“This study, by the way, is in no way biased towards either faction, but if atheists wanted to turn down their standing on this list, and so there are several things they could do; chief among them would be to stop trying to ram atheism down people’s throats, and mind their own business. People get it; you’re an atheist. We’re delighted for you. Now how about shutting the fuck up about it once in a while?”
With atheists and religious people tied in joint second place on the list of most irritating people, the CSO went on to announce that Charity Muggers retain their number one position for the 20th year in a row.