Local Man’s ‘Aura’ More Of An Off-Putting Smell

A LOCAL MAN who has boasted of having the ‘aura of all auras’ is facing allegations that he in fact not only lacks aura altogether but only makes an impression on people due to a deeply unsettling and pungent aroma, WWN can reveal.

While 21-year-old Matt Higgins claims that accusations he has attempted to do so much aura farming he’d needs a convoy of Massey Fergusons to plough through it all are false, those with a working knowledge of the final year business student suggest his ‘aura’ is just a wet sock smell he carries with him everywhere.

“It’s king shit,” Higgins proudly insisted, explaining the wide berth he’s given by others in lecture halls. “Aura isn’t something you can teach,” Higgins added.

“We’ve tried to let him know as gently and politely as possible but he’s so lost in repeatedly shitting on about ‘aura’ like it means anything, the lads have all tried to convince him showering would be such a ‘vibe shift’ but it’s no use,” confirmed a classmate of Higgins who believes he once saw visible stink lines emanating from his friend.

Higgins has asserted any negative comments directed at him come from jealousy and the fact these comments are delivered from a distance safe enough to avoid being caught up in his stale aroma is mere coincidence.

“I’ve heard of looksmaxxing but this is the first instance of stenchmaxxing as far as I’m aware,” confirmed one student welfare officer.