“You’re In Our Country, Specifically Londonderry, One Of The Most Deprived Areas In The UK, Which I Do Nothing To Help” DUP’s Gregory Campbell Tells President Connolly

IN AN EXCHANGE which will surely impress voters who love politicians that do nothing, DUP MP Gregory Campbell confronted Irish president Catherine Connolly yesterday in Derry over a speech she gave which failed to use the word ‘Londonderry’, Campbell drew huge praise for pointing this out to the recently elected head of state.

“What I like about Gregory is I never hear from him, but when I do it’s always about something completely unrelated to improving the lives of his constituents,” confirmed one Harpurs Hill resident, of the politician belonging to a party whose former leader is before the courts over allegations he is a sex offender.

“I honestly don’t mind Londonderry being one of the most disadvantaged places in the UK and that despite it’s dire state Gregory Campbell can’t get elected there, I’d certainly take that over it being called ‘Derry’ and prospering in a future United Ireland,” confirmed Campbell’s most loyal supporter, himself.

A lifelong bigot who had said the AIDS crisis was a curse from God to punish homosexuals, Campbell’s achievement for the people he represents include once complaining about car manufacturer Kia naming a test car ‘Provo’, derived from the Italian word for test.

Meanwhile, Catherine Connolly’s response and the manner in which she interacted with Campbell is set to be used as a blueprint for how healthcare workers will deal with future dementia patients or anyone in the middle of a psychotic break.