Radical New Stephen’s Green Shopping Centre Plans Recommend Leaving It the Fuck Alone

FOLLOWING widespread outrage at the soulless proposed redesign of one of Ireland’s most iconic shopping centres, WWN has obtained details of a newly revised alternative plan.

The proposal outlines a Victorian-era inspired layout featuring beautifully crafted ironwork, ornate detailing and a bright, open glass-roofed atrium that floods the space with natural light, immediately raising suspicions that it was, in fact, almost identical to the building’s current design.

“Oh no, this is exactly the same,” one source confirmed after reviewing the plans. “Basically, leave it the fuck alone and don’t fix what isn’t already broken.”

The radical proposal goes further, suggesting a series of genuinely unthinkable measures aimed at improving footfall without turning the centre into another soulless corporate European concrete box.

Recommendations include reducing commercial rates, actively promoting local businesses through targeted advertising campaigns, and acknowledging that online shopping is actively hollowing out city and town centres.

“You know, basic common-sense stuff the council could look into instead of pricing retailers out of existence,” the document notes.

Meanwhile, hundreds of commentators took to social media to complain loudly about the proposed new designs, despite openly admitting they have not left their homes to shop in-person in well over a decade.

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