Housing Crisis Prayers Answered: Government To Vote To End Army ‘Triple Lock’

IN ADDITION to pushing through rent reform legislation that experts say will only result in higher rents, the government has answered the public’s prayers once again by solving the housing crisis in increasingly innovative and dumbfounding ways, WWN can reveal.

“Yeah now it’s easier to send Irish soldiers to war zones, you begged us to sort this and we have, you’re welcome,” said the government, unveiling its plan for the abolition of the ‘Triple Lock’ which requires prior approval from the Dáil to send Irish troops on UN peacekeeping missions.

“Yeah, Triple Lock gone,” added a spokesperson in response to questions about why house-building activity is on a trend of falling for the 8 month in a row.

Proud of how politically astute and in touch with the public’s concerns they are, the government contemplated releasing record homeless numbers two days nearly rather than waiting for the usual last Friday evening of the month when all journalists have gone home.

“Pew pew pew, your sons and daughters are more likely to die abroad now were they to serve in the army, you’re welcome,” added the spokesperson, in response to a question about why 30 social housing units in Cherrywood, Dublin have been vacant for over a year.

“Where they Triple fucking Locked when they made this shit their priority?” queried one emigrating young person.

Elsewhere, broadsheet columnists are reportedly preparing numerous ‘It’s Not All Bad, Fighting In The Donbas Region For The Irish Army Could Be Gen Z’s Best Way Of Saving For A House’ opinion pieces.

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