‘Hamnet’ Marks 57th Movie In A Row Local Man Has Thought Is A Load Of Shite

A LOCAL WATERFORD man is on a 57-movie hot-streak of absolutely hating everything he has seen, labelling everything as a ‘load of shite’ with hotly tipped Oscar contender Hamnet the latest movie to receive the accolade.

“A bit of crying and screaming, big fucking deal, and what were those beginning, middle and end bits all about?” confirmed self-confessed movie fanatic Colm Hickey, who hates when a movie hits you over the head with its message or doesn’t repeatedly explain things clearly.

Hamnet has received much praise with Jessie Buckley’s performance singled out as a highlight but for 45-year-old Hickey, a true movie lover, he believes the hype is overblown.

“Same with The Rip, One Battle After Another, Wake Up Dead Man, Saipan, The Housemaid, Marty Supreme, Dune 2, Wicked, Steve, Bugonia, shite, shite, shite the lot of them. Fucking rubbish,” the irate cinephile continued, “and don’t get me started on every other film that has received a wide release on the European continent in the last 96 months”.

In a response issued by the collective film industries of over 100 countries, filmmakers have suggested that perhaps if Hickey becomes red hot with rage after watching every movie in recent memory, perhaps he may be the problem and that not everything has to be a masterpiece to be enjoyed.

When pressed on what was the last recent movie a film buff such as himself truly enjoyed Hickey responded ‘Die Hard With A Vengeance’ before remarking how it was ‘actually shit compared to the first one though’.

Hickey is not believed to alone in his excoriating takes on the state of pop culture today, with other people holding similar beliefs in relation to music, TV, plays and sport with the criticism largely attributed to a condition known as ‘middle age’.

Brave journalism like this comes at a price, and that price is giving our class merch a gander HERE and spreading the word about our online shop!