Donald Trump Signs Executive Order Forcing Parents To Say Santa Presents Are Actually From Him

FRESH from signing an order declaring fentanyl a ‘WMD’ and blockading Venezuelan ships in a bid to make George W. Bush’s invasion of Iraq look like it was conducted by a military genius, Donald Trump has issued yet another executive order.

“I have declared the foreigner invading our skies and visiting our children in the dead of night a Designated Terrorist Organisation, Santa is an enemy of America,” confirmed Trump in a televised address.

“Let all children know that if you find presents underneath your tree on Christmas morning, it wasn’t Santa, it was me,” added Trump outlining how his executive order makes it a federal crime for parents to give credit to Santa Claus.

“The economy is in the shitter, I want credit for all the good things and blame for none of the bad things… c’mon give me this,” an on-the-verge-tears Trump said.

Trump’s insistence on taking the credit from Santa sets up a challenging task for American parents.

“I’m going to have a hard time explaining to my kids why I let a close associate of Jeffrey Epstein into our house and let him give them gifts. They’re going to flip out and think he’s trying to lure them to Mar-a-lago to be trafficked to some paedophile island,” one frustrated parent explained.

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