“Something Big Dropping Soon,” Delusional Procrastinator Tells Social Media

ANNOUNCING the latest venture he’ll never execute, local procrastinator Marvin Ryan sat back comfortably in his chair before the all-too-familiar dread and anxiety consumed him over the delusional promise he had just made.

“Maybe I should have actually created the content first before promising it,” he told himself, now remembering the other dozen or so times he’d built something up in his head but never physically finished due to creative paralysis.

Ryan’s latest half-arsed plan to “drop something soon” was met with little fanfare from “fans”, who by now were used to his sporadic announcements that were never followed up.

“Marvin is an ideas man, but that’s as far as it goes. Ideas,” one source close to Ryan told WWN. “Every time I see him he has some new project on the go, but it never really manifests.”

Despite his previous creative failings, Ryan insists this is the one that’s going to give him his big break – once he finds the original notes he took.

“Pretty sure I put them into the phone,” he muttered, trying to remember, as he had been fairly drunk at the time.

“It was myself, Johnny and Tina in Maccy’s Bar… what were we talking about again? Something to do with AI. Yeah, that’s it. Fuck, I wrote it down on a beer mat. Great!” he added, before ringing Maccy’s Bar to ask if they had found “a beer mat with loads of writing on it”.