Local Legend Wins ‘Scrote Of The Year’ For Vandalising Children’s Playground

LOCAL legend Clem Ryan (17) has been awarded Scrote of the Year after successfully vandalising a children’s playground.

Ryan, who currently holds 43 convictions under his belt at the time of writing, accepted the award in Waterford City Hall, admitting to burning down several slides, cutting climbing frames and defecating in the popular playground over a period of months.

“Mother said the father said I’d never amount ta nawtin’, but here you are, Dad, whoever you are!” Ryan emotionally shouted before spitting on the ground as he received the coveted award, proving his crime spree was driven by a deep lack of family love, which later manifested as uncontrollable rage toward anything resembling a family outing.

The grandson of four is Waterford’s 12th winner of the prestigious award since it was first launched in 2013 following a spate of arson attacks in the city, with former winner Padjo Walsh attending today’s ceremony.

“Brings a tear to me jap’s eye ta see young fellas followin’ in me footsteps,” said 32-year-old Walsh, flanked by Gardaí in handcuffs while on day release from Limerick Prison.

Ryan is expected to quickly move up the criminal ladder following today’s honour and hopes to one day make the Sunday World for his crimes.

“I’d love a deadly nickname like ‘The Vandal’ or somethin’ class like that,” Ryan revealed.

Runner-up David Power told WWN he was disappointed his assaults on homeless asylum seekers didn’t make the cut this year, but promised to try harder next time.