Local Lad Loves Getting Up Early Before School To Watch Some Horrific Death Videos On X

LOCAL 14-year-old student Jack Hayes likes nothing better to relax before a busy day at school than watching videos of people being killed in accidents, executions or any form of grotesque death really.

“It’s nice to have some time to myself in the mornings to soak up the best death videos X has to offer. It sets me up for the day,” the second-year pupil explained.

The underage X account owner, who easily bypassed the platform’s flimsy age restrictions, said the latest videos coming out of Sudan are absolutely horrific and a must-watch.

“I just see it as additional education,” Hayes insisted, scrolling through a grotesque collection targeted to him by an algorithm focused entirely on keeping him intrigued, before being called down to his Rice Krispies and toast breakfast by his oblivious mother.

“He loves a little scroll before getting up out of bed in the mornings,” Mary Hayes told WWN, seemingly unaware of the images currently rewiring her son’s dopamine centres. “Sure I love the TikTok meself now and again.”

Asked what he would like to be when he completes his education, Jack said he plans to become a surgeon, a journalist or “whatever job pays best for having no feelings left.”