“I’m Evolving” Says Man Who Narrowly Swerved Out Of Bullshit Argument With Girlfriend

A LOCAL WATERFORD man has called on the world’s leading neurologists to study him after he observed himself evolving before his own very eyes, WWN can confirm.

“I actually still feel a bit dizzy from it boi,” confirmed Niall Haskin, describing events which saw him identify a potentially fraught situation with his girlfriend Jenny Corless which could lead to a row and simply decided ‘not to be a pain in the hole about it’.

“We were disagreeing over how you stack the dishwasher, she said she had her method and usually I’d be all ‘well it’s wrong’ which would send us down the argument path but I just shut the fuck up and refused to sweat the small stuff, I couldn’t believe I was doing it right there in moment. My brain actually feels bigger, here touch my head. Feels like the skull is about to explode, that’s how elevated in thought I’ve become,” confirmed Haskin.

The 29-year-old believes after years of petty bickering that served no purpose, his brain has evolved, something he wants confirmed by an extensive study.

“I’m saying I think I’m the next great evolutionary leap. There’s 1,000 other men who in the same situation would have found themselves sleeping on the couch, but not me. So this is an open call to whoever the Stephen Hawking of brains ‘n that is to give me a call,” concluded Haskin.

Haskin speculated that if he has evolved to the point where he can steer himself away from a pointless, blowout row with his spouse, the possibilities are endless.

“No, not that. I told you I’d get the car cleaned tomorrow. Jesus, you can’t let me enjoy anything can you? No, me in a state of happiness and relaxing is too much to ask apparently, Christ,” Haskin said in repsonse to girlfriend Corless asking him to do the thing he said he’d first do over three weeks ago.

Obey! Consume! Prop up capitalism by buying some WWN merch here www.waterfordwhispers.shop