Higgins & Wife Sabina Giving Áras A Good Scrub In Hopes Of Getting Security Deposit Back

FRANTICALLY bleaching the Áras bathrooms, President Michael D. Higgins and his wife Sabina have been spotted giving the presidential residence an almighty once-over, in what sources confirm is “a last-ditch effort” to ensure they get their full security deposit back.

Wearing his old 1970s dungarees, the soon-to-be former president was heard hollering at his wife to check the oven, a common appliance outgoing tenants forget to clean, often incurring “deductions” from their deposit.

“The fucking freezer too, Sabina! Curse the size of this house. I’m only four foot ten, for Christ’s sake,” the 84-year-old fretted. “Put the dog in the shed as well. All I’m cleaning up here is his bloody hairs everywhere!”

Sources close to the Áras confirmed that the appointed state landlord has already noted a few deductions, including €400 to refurbish a worn writing desk, and “evidence of fingerprints under several light fixtures.”

“Of course the desk is worn, I’ve been writing on it for 14 years!” a shout was heard echoing through the halls. “And those light switches are too high for me, Jesus Harold Christ!”

“They’ve ordered a crate of Febreze and a few hundred Yankee candles to try cover up the smell of socialism,” another source confirmed.