“I Was Living A Lie” Ex-Hurricane Humberto On Coming Out As Strong Winds

“I’M NOT and never was a category five hurricane, that’s a career path others wanted for me, they wanted me boxed in, fulfilling a role but that’s not the road I’m going down. Whatever the road, I’ll be going down it as a strong wind,” explained the now ex-hurricane Humberto, the days old weather system which originated in the Caribbean.

Coming from a long line of hurricanes, the weather system known as Humberto was expected to follow in the family business of decimating Republican run US states whose representatives cheer on funding cuts to emergency response agencies but Humberto knew this wasn’t his calling.

“Even as I formed I knew I was never going to be a Cat 1, never mind a Cat 5, I’d feel guilty over-turning a car, I can’t imagine making my way across the Atlantic to Europe and flattening a house,” Humberto added.

“I just want to keep the head down and knock over a bin or two, I’m not comfortable being in the limelight, even the idea of causing a big black out has me breaking out in scattered showers”.

Despite his quiet demeanour Humberto is aware that there are a lot of people in the Irish and UK media mischaracterising what he is about.

“The way they talk about me ‘the big one’, ‘hurricane set to bring DEVASTATION’, it’s like they’re talking about a completely different storm, I should sued for defamation,” concluded Humberto, who confirmed he’ll run out of steam around the 70km mark before disappearing.

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