Loads Of Brown Lads Deported This Week So Shut Your Holes, Dept Of Justice Confirms

AN official statement from the Department of Justice this week highlighted it has deported loads of brown lads this week, and for everyone to shut their holes.

Issuing the press release to every media outlet within reach in the hopes of impressing and appeasing the anti-immigration cohort of the electorate, the department confirmed it had even considered hiring a stunt plane to skywrite the deportation figures over Dublin ‘just to hammer the point home’.

“See? We’re doing what you far-right people who hate being called far-right want, and keeping Ireland for the work-shy Irish,” the statement read, accompanied by staged photographs of smiling deportation officers doing a ‘Bishop Brennan kick up the arse’ gesture to a Middle Eastern man through Dublin Airport departures.

Long criticised for ‘not doing enough’ to curb asylum seekers, undocumented migrants, and anyone vaguely foreign-looking, the department appealed directly to protestors: “Please stop kicking ten shades of shite out of immigrants now as we’ve got this immigration thing under control, good lads, cheers.”

Meanwhile, on a returning Ryanair flight from Málaga, fellow passengers reported an unnamed Irishman tearing up and eating his own passport after hearing news that asylum seekers were being offered €10,000 to drop their claim.