Obama Drones Allowed Graze On St Stephen’s Green After Freedom Of Dublin Award

NORMALLY a privilege reserved for livestock, former US President Barack Obama’s fleet of military drones will soon be allowed to graze freely on St Stephen’s Green once he accepts the Freedom of Dublin, WWN has learned.

Obama will take part in what officials are describing as a ‘small and intimate’ ceremony with Lord Mayor Ray McAdam and a ‘select group of similar lick-arses’ in attendance, followed by a flyover of the retired drone fleet – the unmanned aircraft were responsible for over 541 drone strikes during his presidency, killing an estimated 324 civilians across the Middle East and beyond.

“Hopefully they won’t confuse parts of Dublin for the Middle East,” one source muttered nervously ahead of today’s event.

To avoid such a scenario, 16-year-old boys have been warned to vacate the city in case Obama’s drones target them and then reclassify them as ‘enemy combatants’ as was done when he was in office. Similarly hospitals in the city have been warned of the possibility of Obama’s drones striking a hospital due to muscle memory.

Along with grazing rights, Obama will also receive the traditional privilege of moving goods through the city gates without paying customs duties, a perk which has already sparked a surge in Levi’s requests from local councillors.

“Obama can also now vote in Irish elections, so we’ve told him to back Jim Gavin all the way,” one councillor confided. “And if one of his drones could quietly take out Catherine Connolly on the way home, we’d be much obliged.”

The former president is in Dublin ahead of his much-hyped conversation with Irish Times columnist Fintan O’Toole at the 3Arena tomorrow in a sold-out spectacle set to be witnessed by 7,500 sell-outs.

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