“I Will Return In Seven Of Your Years” Maria Steen Bids Farewell Before Entering Portal Back To 1954

FAILED Presidential candidate Maria Steen promised her conservative supporters yesterday evening that she will return for the next election, before reaching into her designer handbag and, according to eyewitnesses, activating what could only be described as a glowing portal.

“I could see an older version of Dublin on the other side, it looked like the 1950s as everyone was depressed, poor and malnourished looking,” one sobbing supporter recalled. “A few of us begged her to take us with her but she simply smiled like an angel, made the sign of the cross, and said she’d be back in ‘seven of our years’ before stepping through with yer man with the tash.”

It is understood a congregation of Catholic bishops in period attire were waiting patiently on the far side as the blue plasma gateway snapped shut, leaving only stunned silence.

“All they left behind was the smell of mothballs and boot polish,” another witness confirmed.

The 115-year-old Steen, pro-anti-choice on women’s access to abortion, was championed as a symbol of democratic choice in the election by her supporters, many of whom went on to become the downfall of her long and meticulously planned two-week campaign.

“Obviously there were marginally fewer head-the-fucking-balls in her own time period,” one political commentator explained. “She underestimated the state of conservative Ireland in the 2020s. Thanks to the internet, her squeaky-clean mammy-housewife persona was quickly hijacked and compromised by frothing racists and homophobes. In the end, she became a victim of her own dated, conservative-thinking success.”

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