Shock Collar Spotted On Catherine Connolly As Campaign Team Tries To Curb Hamas Comments

IN AN EFFORT to avoid a repeat of recent comments on the potential future role Hamas members would play in a post-conflict Plaestine, campaign workers on Catherine Connolly’s team have fitted the Galway TD with a shock collar.

“It just acts as an incentive, a reminder at all times that we need to not scare the living bejaysus out of middle Ireland or give Newstalk a chance to call Catherine an ISIS bride,” confirmed one campaign worker.

While the collar’s primary use is to avoid any potentially damaging PR gaffes, others within the campaign believe it can serve many purposes.

“A woman being told to shut up and know her place with a shock collar before your very eyes could also really help us appeal to people who would have considered themselves Maria Steen voters too, so it’s actually very clever,” explained another Connolly campaign worker.

Reaffirming her party’s support for Connolly as the most qualified candidate to assume the role of the president, Sinn Féin leader Mary Lou McDonald confirmed “our lot are all head the balls so feck it, Catherine will have to do”.

Elsewhere, anti-abortion and anti-marriage equality campaigner Maria Steen finally won a ‘No’ vote by failing to get enough support for a presidential nomination.

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