“Peace? No, You Misheard. We Agreed To Giving Him ‘Piece’; A Piece Of This, A Piece Of That, Whatever He Wants”

DONALD TRUMP has clarified some misinformation currently in the ether in regards to his meeting this Friday with Vladimir Putin after rumours spread the Alaska set head-to-head would involve attempts to achieve peace and end Russia’s invasion of Ukraine.

“Peace? I never said peace. I shouldn’t be surprised with the lying press. How could you ask a question like that. Peace? We said ‘a piece’, this meeting is about giving Putin a piece of land, a piece of minerals, a piece of whatever he wants,” confirmed Trump, addressing reporters in the White House before setting off for the much anticipated talks.

“It’s not that complicated, war is just like business and in business money talks. Think about it, what would stop a guy whose economy is tanking and running out of money from waging war? That’s right, access to precious minerals and financing to help him generate more money to fund more war stuff,” added the US president.

Trump added that it would be deeply disrespectful for him to arrive in Alaska, Russia at Putin’s invitation and come empty handed.

“It’s basic manners, come on. What do people expect me to do? Ambush him in the meeting with my vice president and dress him down in front of the world’s media and tell him he’s painted himself into a corner with no way out? Don’t be ridiculous,” concluded Trump, before instructing aides to take down the curtains in the Oval Office as ‘they look like something Vlad would like’.

In response to other comments from Trump, in which he threatened ‘severe consequences’ if Putin blocks Ukrainian peace process, Putin laughed before stating ‘that lad is all fart and no shit’.

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